


Yearning

by Joking611



Series: Cari'ssi'mi Drabbles [22]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joking611/pseuds/Joking611
Summary: Samantha Traynor has eyes for her CO.





	Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge Yourself: A Month Of Fanfiction 2017
> 
> Friday 8/4's Prompt: Something You Don't Ship

_‘She was aboard,’_ I’d thought.

Just being on the Normandy was going to have been honor enough. The ship, those people. So much history in so short a span. Being able to list “Normandy” as a posting was going to benefit my career for the rest of my life. Serving under Shepard? I’d never have allowed myself to dream. Ok, maybe I had, but it wasn’t one of those kind of dreams.

And then came the attack. My ideal assignment on the refit team instantly became so much more and so much less. No longer just a technical challenge, allowing me to use my skills and training to “bring the Normandy into the fold” so to speak, but also no longer a sanctuary where my mind found refuge in fantasy about a certain Alliance commander, while my hands remained engaged in the work of the moment.

The first time her voice rang out over the PA had been a jolt. It was forceful, commanding, (obviously). It made me wish that it was directed at me, that I had a role to play on Mars or the Citadel. Instead I could only wait, a spectator more than anything else. I was so full of questions, but had no one to ask. The TO was full of holes, with the handful of us on board having no one between us and the CO until we took more crew aboard at the Citadel.

There had been only one officer aboard, Adams, and it was all he could do to keep engineering together when the Normandy was pressed into unexpected service. The refit was effectively complete, although there had been unexpected delays, newly ordered systems to integrate right up until the very end. Adams had complained exhaustedly in the mess one afternoon that it seemed like someone was deliberately trying to delay the project. Not enough to keep the Normandy from being spaceworthy, but enough to keep them on the verge of being able to launch without actually doing so. He’d even said as much to the admiral during an inspection, but Anderson had accepted the delays without comment, seeming to confuse Adams even more.

The twenty four hours we spent docked at the Citadel gave me my first chance. Scuttlebutt said the commander was anxious to be on the move, but Scuttlebutt was an idiot. The only person on the refit team who’d even spoken to her so far had been Joker, newly reinstated as well. All he’d offered had been an “I’ve got a secret,” smile when I’d asked if he knew what our orders were. Arsehole. It isn’t like I wouldn’t have asked my direct superior if given the chance, but we’d left the lieutenant behind in Vancouver when we launched without warning. I hoped she was still alive.

I managed to convince myself that reporting to the CO wouldn’t be a break in protocol. After all, I didn’t know who I reported to at this point, so technically I was Shepard’s responsibility. 

I waited until my duty shift ended, then went to present myself to the commander.

First, a quick trip to the crew deck so change out of my BDUs and into my dress blues. I didn’t have a toothbrush on board, but I had my dress uniform. We’d learned early on that the Normandy was a favorite destination for admirals to stop by for  inspections, and if admirals liked anything, they liked being piped aboard a ship with the full compliment in their service dress.

A quick stop in the women’s head and I was ready. I paused for a quick glance in the mirror. I looked good. The uniform presented a professional aspect that I wanted to emphasize. The military might not entirely suit me, but I had to admit that the lifestyle certainly had been a positive impact. I still had the cute face, bedroom eyes, and (seemingly) shy demeanor that had served me so well with the girls at university, but now I had the body to back it up. The flat belly and tight ass were the most obvious additions since I joined the service, and had their bloody fitness regimen imposed upon me. Not that I’d ever had complaints before, but knowing that you couldn’t just keep up with your partner, but be able to exhaust her gave a girl a certain confidence.

Deep breaths in the lift helped keep me calm. I went over what I would say when she opened the hatch to her cabin. _‘Her cabin! Would she invite me in?’_ I brushed away the thought.

My mind was still running through possible scenarios when I stepped off the lift, prepared to signal my presence and almost walked directly into an asari.

“Commander Shepard? I’m Specialist…” I began. Hopefully I seemed surprised to have stumbled onto a conversation in the foyer instead of sounding so oblivious that I hadn’t noticed I wasn’t alone.

She said something. I said something. I didn’t notice anything but her eyes, and the fact that I’d forgotten to breathe. Then the asari said “I was just leaving,” and left me alone with her, with Shepard, for the first time. Suddenly I had her undivided attention. I stumbled my way through a description of the retrofit until EDI spoke up, and Shepard derailed me with the revelation that EDI was sentient. Remembering months of flirting with a disembodied voice drove me to a level of embarrassment I hadn’t felt since I was a teen. I was so angry at her! I took solace in the fact that Shepard seemed amused, but I vowed to keep an eye on the AI.

I didn’t realize then that my competition was the asari.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

We grew close over the next several weeks. At least I thought we had. 

She kept me aboard even after we took on crew at the Citadel. I told her what I read when I was at uni, and how I came to be in the Alliance. We had so much in common. Both colony kids, both enlisted at eighteen, although my service didn’t start until after graduation. She’d spent that time gaining a reputation on Elysium and then going through OCS. Even though she was an officer, she never made me feel like I was anything other than a peer. I told her stories about my time in Alliance R&D and she had terrifying tales of Cerberus and the Reapers.

She introduced me to Officer Vakarian, who was the most interesting Turian I’ve ever met, and to Dr. T’Soni, who was the asari I’d encountered that first day. T’Soni and Shepard had some kind of history, but when I’d asked Garrus about it he started talking about how spectres are nominated, and Thessian Great Houses, and how asari society works. It sounded complex and monotonous the way he’d described it. It made Shepard sound like a politician instead of the hero she was. I decided that those responsibilities had to bore her to no end.

Despite my initial missteps, I could feel Shepard’s growing confidence in me. My work on the false Grissom Academy distress signal, the data feed integration for the war summit, and decoding Javik’s Prothean language tutorial all helped ingratiate me to the commander.

So much had my confidence increased that one afternoon when Shepard checked in for a status report, I replied with a challenge. “Game night?” I’d sent, in hopes of spending some time with Shepard away from prying eyes. My heart almost turned over when an invitation to her cabin came not minutes later.

The evening started out as a smashing success. We played a couple of games of chess, each drank a couple of glasses of wine. I told her more about my parents, and growing up on Horizon, she told me stories about her brother, dead over ten years now. 

It was after her second defeat that she threw down the gauntlet. “I’m coming for you!” She’d exclaimed, not realizing that I’d drawn the games out, which had the side effect of making us seem more evenly matched. “Do your worst,” she’d continued. “No one gets three in a row on me.”

So I mopped the deck with her. 

She’d surprised me, displaying more chess acumen than I’d seen from her so far. Her opening was the Sicilian Defense, a classic gambit that I was well prepared to counter, but I was impressed nonetheless. It suited her combative nature and I refused to insult her by not playing to my abilities once the challenge had been made. I attacked quickly, pressing my white advantage and exchanging pieces at a faster pace than I had demonstrated willingness to before. She lasted longer than I had expected. It seemed we’d both been holding back. Still, I was never in any danger, easily defeating her in twenty six moves.

She looked at me when we were done. Her eyes wide. She knew. She _knew_. I’d defeated her easily. I could have all along. For a moment I was no longer a subordinate, someone she needed to protect. I was an equal, and in at least this arena, her superior. She saw me in a new light, and I could see opportunities for me in that light. 

 _‘All or nothing,’_ I thought. Perhaps it was time to act on another fantasy I’d had. I’d already mentioned the poor conditions of the women’s shower. I’d hinted at wanting to “borrow” hers and hadn’t been rebuffed. I’d almost worked up the courage to ask my commanding officer for permission to get naked in her cabin when in walked Dr. T’Soni. 

Her demeanor was notably cooler towards me than it had been in earlier conversations. Why became obvious when the asari came over, and without a word sat down in Shepard’s lap. “We have a guest, Shepard?” She’d asked.

We.

That’s when I realized the asari hadn’t buzzed for entry. She _lived_ here.

Bugger me. The asari’s look told me she knew exactly what I was hoping for, even if Shepard seemed cheerfully oblivious. The commander started giving an account of our chess matches while Dr. T’Soni’s eyes never left mine.

Soon I could endure it no longer, and took my leave of them both, claiming an early shift in the morning. Shepard accepted my statement as fact, but T’Soni merely nodded at the lie.

From that point on we had an understanding.


End file.
